One More from Buffy World

I wrote a week or so ago about how I felt bad for Buffy Summers. She didn’t ask to be the Slayer, but by God, there she is, night after night, slaying and smiting, then going to school the nexxt day. That’s a hell of a life.

During my current battle with Teh Crazee, I’ve been watching a lot of “Buffy,” for some reason. Maybe it’s because if I’d gone to Sunnydale High School, I’d have been friends with Willow, because I was a smart kid. (I wasn’t in a band like Oz, nor was I a beautiful witch like Tara, so I have no fantasies that we’d have dated). Who knows? Maybe I’d have been one of the Scoobies, perhaps replacing Xander, because I was certainly cooler and funnier than him in HS.

Anyway, what I wrote before was about Buffy. Today has sucked donkey genitals, so I’m now feeling a little sympathy for Buffy’s enemies.

In “Doppelgangland,” Anya–a former demon whose necklace was destroyed, and thus is now stuck in the present and, far worse, in high school–tries to order a beer at The Bronze. The bartender cards her. She appeals that she’s had a rough day. Carded. “I’M 1120 YEARS OLD! GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ BEER!” Carded. *sigh* “Give me a Coke.”

She was just doing her job as a demon, granting wishes. Then there’s the big guy, Luke, who’s the #1 henchman for The Master. This guy kills people and drinks their blood, because that’s his job. If The Master told him to open a frozen banana stand, he’d do it (although, being a vamp/demon sort, he’d have to work third shift). However, The Master doesn’t want frozen bananas. He wants souls and blood, death and mayhem, kind of like the IRS. So that’s what Luke does. Things go well, till he encounters Buffy. It takes a few battles, but ultimately, he is killed, a pile of corpses at his feet. He was doing his job, and the competition brought him down. I guess it’s sort of like Walgreen’s and CVS. You could be in the smallest town in the USA, but if there’s a Walgreen’s there, darn tootin’ there will be a CVS across the street from it.

Anyway, today was one of those days where I felt bad, metaphysically. I Had little patches of anger, but not bad enough to snap or want to hit humans or other annoying creatures with my ball bat. The thought occurred to me that I might be one of those demons. I’m sure they didn’t ask to be demons, but that’s where they were placed. Once you work for The Master, you want to work your way up the hierarchy to get to Luke’s position. To quote Sir Paul McCartney, “You got a job to do, you got to do it well. You got to give the other fellow HELL!”

I guess it dawned on me it was the same sense of inevitability.

It dawned on me while I was driving around today, cursing people in traffic and out of traffic. I felt like a malevolent entity, one of those Sunnydale demons, not a Slayer, or a Scooby–even Xander had more positive life force than I did.

Oh, well. I bought 15 painfully hot chicken wings for dinner…and hypnotized the drive-thru girl to give them to me free, before dipped her pancreas in bleu cheese dressing and ate it.

The Master would have it no other way.

8 Responses to “One More from Buffy World”

  1. Aw… I think you’re more like Spike. Inevitably you’ll fall back in love with this world and want your soul back, and you’ll get it.

    • God, I hope so Lindsey. Today’s a good day. Yesterday was a horror. A little consistency would be nice, ya know?

  2. I like Lindsey’s comment! 🙂
    Since I have no Buffy analogies. Maybe I should start watching.

  3. Christina Says:

    Aw, yes! Spike! But I have always had a soft spot for evil entities that didn’t necessarily ask to be evil. Like Eve/Adam and the fruit eating debacle and Judas, who just did what needed to be done to have Jesus sacrificed for all our lives like the Bible writers want us to believe. (Because if he had just turned in an ordinary guy who wasn’t dying for everyone’s sins, well then, the Bible is bunk and Judas really is just an asshole.)

    The minions. That’s what those evil beings who didn’t ask to be evil are. They’re just not adorably yellow and small, so they’re hated and misunderstood!

  4. I love the way you juxtapose Judas Iscariot to the Minions in “Despicable Me.” That was sweet!

  5. There’s always money in the banana stand. #crossover

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