Damn You, Debby (w/Science info for Steve Betz)

We are under the influence of Tropical Storm Debby. This is largely, in my non-meteorologist’s opinion, because I had a relationship with a Debby, and it didn’t end well. Thus, we have had countless feet of rain, and winds like freakin’ Neptune.

Okay. Let’s see what the real numbers are. At 1131pm 6/25, our winds are 30mph, with gusts to 47mph. There are tree limbs down, predictably, and some mobile homes have been opened like Spam cans. Actually, this is a bad simile, because most Spam cans are far harder to open than most mobile homes.

Debby is angry, even though our relationship was almost a decade ago. I’ve apologized, even though it was both our faults.

This is what Bay News 9 would have you believe Debby looks like right now.

Image

They always use that § symbol for hurricanes and tropical storms. I don’t know why.

Anyway, I figured something out. Debby is NOT your standard tropical storm. She is full of spite and hatred toward me.

For example, I went out to Turtle Beach today, and I was nearly blown off my feet, it was so windy. She’d have loved that.

Just for grins, I decided to drive south on I-75, straight into the teeth of the wind, just to see how much force I had to apply to the Nimitz’s gas pedal to maintain the 70mph speed limit. It was 50,000 Newtons.  This is a lot, as Steve Betz would tell you, and it shows just how strong my legs are.  After I turned around, and drove home with the wind at my back? It was maybe 2 Newtons.

Tropical Storm Debby has taken aim square at me. Screw the Bay News 9 map above. The following shows exactly how Debby’s wind flow works:

Note how the Klystron 9000 XLT radar backs me up, only their high falutin graphics don’t bother to show the storm’s actual construction. Candy-ass Brighthouse.

As you can see, the wind gets sucked into her stringy-ass head up near the Big Bend area, then is somehow transported to her giant ass down near Charlotte Harbor. From there, her ass blows 30 to 50 or 60mph up toward me.

Happily, she doesn’t seem to know I’m at my parents’ house in Sarasota County, since my home county, Pinellas, took much more brunty crap from Debby.

She’s a tenacious pain in the ass, and will doubtless be performing the above illustrated wind flow thing for the next couple days.  She’s moving Northeast at 2 mph. That’s roughly the speed I walk through the frozen foods aisle. Good Lord.

Anyway. That’s the word from Stormland. I just hope when she gets to land, somebody drops a house on her quick.

Happy Tuesday.

xoxo

t

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5 Responses to “Damn You, Debby (w/Science info for Steve Betz)”

  1. Holeeeee crap!!! Damn you, Debby!
    What a drippy bitch!
    I can’t believe the rain. Possibly 15 inches last night? I wonder if my MIL’s condo in Bradenton is holding up. Last time her roof fell in. She’s up here for the summer, so I’m sure she is fretting like crazy!

  2. tomzone Says:

    It’s a little crazy. As bad as it is, it could be worse. We had a Hurricane (Juan??) that just sat off the cost of Tampa Bay for a few days. Lots of flooding there.

    Tell your MIL to check http://www.BayNews9.com They have widgetry and stuff, and they cover Matinee County.

    Good times.

  3. Stay safe, tom! That, or move to Michigan while the hurricane season’s in force. I’m sure Lauri has a guest room for you (but you’ll have to share it with her critters)!

  4. I heartily approve of all posts with my name in the title!

    I also once had a relationship end that I would think could cause a storms-worth of problems, but she was an “ie” Debbie, not a “y” Debby — so San Diego is sunny and 77. Whew.

    • tomzone Says:

      Honestly, I think mine was an -ie Debbie too, but she couldn’t spell for shit.

      50,000 Newtons is an awful lot, isn’t it? Far more than my foot could exert on a gas pedal? (Keep in mind, I give my age in Celsius (7.7))

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