Fifty Ways to Leave an Answer

Okay. That was a lame title. However, if snoringKatZ and Kzinti and all the other cool kids are doing this, than I shall join in, just to try and be popular.

Herewith 50 Questions:

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE.

My dad. I have no doubt that my father, who art much cooler than I am, would love to have that choice back.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED.

Decades ago, unless you count leaky eyes during the end of Field of Dreams.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING

When I was a kid, the nuns used to smack me with a ruler for my handwriting. The pisser was, I didn’t go to a Catholic school. (rimshot) Cruddy penmanship was the only pre-med class I aced.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT

From a purely scientific interest, it’s that “Ham & Cheese” loaf. It’s basically slices of greasy pink meatstuff, through which a large number of cheeseworms have burrowed. My mom used to buy it when I was a kid. A few weeks ago, I bought it again. I think my enjoyment eating it lies more in trying to figure out its provenance, and less in its “yum” factor.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS

Nope. I’m sure there’s a biological warfare treaty somewhere banning me from reproducing.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU

Probably not, because the existing Tom wouldn’t like the “other person” Tom, so I wouldn’t have the chance.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT

No. Because “sarcasm” is mean and cruel and means “to tear flesh,” and people who use sarcasm are not nice.
I mean, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS

As far as I know. For all I know, they and all my other guts were removed years ago.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP

Not a chance in hell. I pulled a hamstring sitting at my desk last week. Last thing I’m fitna do is jump out of a perfectly adequate plane.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL

Grape Nuts, with milk, microwaved, then drizzled with honey. Obviously, not when it’s 9000 degrees outside.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF
No. They are entirely too far away from me.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG
I’m good at surviving stuff, but I can no longer lift huge weights and throw people.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM
Blue Bell Key Lime Pie.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE
The most efficient way to avoid them.

RED OR PINK
Neither if I’m decorating, but definitely reddish-pink inside a steak. 😛

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF:
My omnipresence. No matter how I try, I won’t leave myself alone.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST
The Devilbitch. But, I keep reloading and trying.
I mean, my grandfather. He died when I was 17. I would very much like to have gotten to know him as a fellow writer and Bourbon drinker.

WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST
I don’t watch American Idol.

WHAT COLOUR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING
Sort of silver & gray & blue (they’re Nikes)

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE
Believe it or not, a York Peppermint Patty. (sadly, no sensations of standing on snowy mountain peaks)

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
The relative silence of the normally bustling office after the bustlers leave.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOUR WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE
I’d be the crayon that made the other colours disappear.

FAVOURITE SMELLS
Baking bread; freshly mown grass; Estee Lauder “Beautiful” on the right woman, especially after she’s mown my grass and baked me bread.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE
A dumb person at a bank.

MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE
I’m honestly not sure. I’d take either right now.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH
Baseball. I mean, TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS HOCKEY!

HAIR COLOUR
Unimpressive, generic brownish

EYE COLOUR
Blue-gray-green-grey

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS:
No way I could stick my finger in my eye, with or without a contact lens

FAVOURITE FOOD
Generally, anything that can be delivered to my door.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS
Depends, but probably more scary.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED

HAR! It was black & white, and there were Nazis in it, and a…
Actually, it was “V for Vendetta.”

WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING
Gray, with a Baltimore Ravens logo

SUMMER OR WINTER:
Whose? Winter on my sandbar is pretty sweet, usually, but I wouldn’t want to spend winter in, say, the Arctic.
Strike that. Summer. Crap just makes more sense to me during our six month, muggy-ass summer.

HUGS OR KISSES
The VP’s frown upon us kissing in the workplace, so I’m happy with hugs at work. There’s something therapeutic about little kid hugs, too.

FAVOURITE DESSERT
Hmm. Right now, I’m thinking of my mom’s homemade peach cobbler with a scoop of my dad’s homemade vanilla bean ice cream on it.

STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO
Cardio, if by “cardio” you mean “lying on my bed, reading a book about somebody being chased.”

COMPUTER OR TELEVISION
Computer.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest, by Stieg Larsson. I was also reading “American Tabloid,” by James Ellroy, until Wind knocked it into the toilet. (Wind disapproves of Ellroy’s course language)

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD
I only mouse commando. 😀

FAVOURITE SOUND
Rain on the water (lake, pool, Gulf)

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES
Mick Taylor-era Stones

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME
Hilo, Hawaii

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT.
Circumlocution.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN.
Sarasota, FL

WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW
Inside my head

WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR HOUSE
I don’t have a horse.
Oh. (ref: “not wearing contacts”) above. It’s kind of a pale green with brown trim.

WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR CAR
The USS Nimitz is white, with small, carefully placed rust-colored patches. (Sorry “-coloured.”)

DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS:
It’s less fun than answering 50 questions while downing a shot after each, but decidedly more fun than scrotal surgery.

To paraphrase sKz, the Minister of Snark-designate (just waiting on Lauri to take over the world), we need one more answer:

42 (and thanks for all the fish)

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8 Responses to “Fifty Ways to Leave an Answer”

  1. I don’t know about answering them, but it sure is fun reading them! 🙂

    • Did sKz tell you we’ve nominated you to control the world? She will be Minister of Snark, and I’ll be Chief of Staff. Or, if you’re in charge, Chief of Staph. 😀

  2. “WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE
    Believe it or not, a York Peppermint Patty. (sadly, no sensations of standing on snowy mountain peaks)”

    I’d complain to those York people about that. False advertising! Failure to meet customer expectation based on televised claims!

    I want their headquarters address and a pitchfork. Shudder before the angry mob that is I! Or possibly me!

  3. Hey Tom! Had fun reading your answers. haha. Can I steal the questions and answer them on my blog too? 😀

  4. I keep thinking I should do this but I only have a witty answer for one. What color crayon would you be?
    Funny story that. I used to have a passion for David Letterman’s Top 10 lists. Loved them. I had books of them. One that made me laugh the most was “Top 10 rejected crayon colors”. The three I remember laughing about so much were “Ochra Winfrey” “Burnt Flesh” and “Shecky Green”. My poor young mind had no idea who Shecky Green was. I would ask “exactly what color is Shecky Green?”For years, if we saw a shade of green that was just putrid, or vomit inducing we would say. “OH look..Shecky Green”
    so that’s my answer.
    Shecky Green.

  5. I would like to point out that horror movies generally HAVE happy endings. I find that question misleading.

    (I pick scary movies, too.)

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