Sunday Sampler Platter (with a chance to win a prize!)

I was shocked to open Yahoo today, and find the following headline:

Jewish groups oppose 

circumcision ban in US city

From the story…

“Self-described “intactivist” Lloyd Schofield has been collecting signatures for a voter initiative that would criminalize infant circumcision in the Californian city.”

What I realized was how impossible it would be to write any sort of reaction to this story without making cutting remarks.

Wait! Damn. I didn’t even make it through one sentence! I mean, even when I mentioned the “headline.”

CRAP!

Anyway, I’m not going to jump into the great turtleneck/crewneck debate.  It sounds like this guy has the sanctity of newborn penises firmly in-hand.

Gah.

*shudder*

Perhaps only I could find irony in this story popping up on Yahoo, but I have had an urgent request from Soapmaker Annie, maker of not only awesome handcrafted soaps, but also the amazing ERDA Studios Winter Care Hand Creme.

 

It’s an awesome blend of various nourishing oils and secret ingredients, just perfect to keep your hands from looking like more of a trainwreck than Charlie Sheen’s career. 

Annie…well, Dickens described Scrooge in the perfect words for Annie: “Secret, self-contained, and solitary as an oyster.” Her minion/husband, Kyle, calls her “spunky, and full of hate.”

Oh, she’s not, but she is crazy about secrecy in her lab.  My friend Emy tried to land an internship at ERDA Studios, and surprised Annie while she was making up a batch of hand creme.  She didn’t have time to take a photo, as Annie sicced the ERDA Studios bandersnatch on her.  She later recreated what she saw in a sketch:

As you can see, Annie makes her hand creme with actual, organically grown hands, and she puts her love into every jar. (they are small jars 😉 )

I digress. 

The Hand Creme is awesome, and it’s not really made from hands.  Also, Annie isn’t really hateful.  (As long as you don’t piss her off)

In fact, the only thing wrong with the Hand Creme is its somewhat cumbersome name.  So…we’re having a contest.  Leave a comment with your name suggestion, and if Annie chooses yours, she’ll send you a free jar of The Hand Creme Formerly Known As ERDA Studios Winter Relief Hand Creme.  (If your suggestion angers her…oy)

So put on your thinking cap, wrackspurt siphon, or other accessory, and submit your favorite.  You could win! Hooray!

So what does this have to do with the *snerk* headline above?

My suggestion–which owed to the mintyness of the hand creme (and this suggestion was shot down most vigorously)–was…snowman smegma. 

Her disapproval was so thick, you could… well, you know.

Happy Monday.

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16 Responses to “Sunday Sampler Platter (with a chance to win a prize!)”

  1. Good heavens! My mind is all awhirl with religious rituals, infant anatomy and handcream!
    I’ll put on my thinking cap (snerk) and give this some thought! 🙂

  2. I wanted to give Laurie a jar to take back to Canada with her, but Annie was sold out. I compromised and gave her the last half of my jar. Amazingly, she got it through customs.

    Happy Monday.

  3. Whatever the name, I think it should have “Rescue” in it, i.e. “Winter Rescue Hand Creme”. Just to show that it means business and isn’t wimpy.

    • Or “Thor.” Thor lends anything extra grrrr. “Thor’s Spear Hand Rescue Cream.” Just add Wagner and stir. 😀

      • You’d probably get Marvel suing you, what with the big Thor movie coming out soon.

        Similarly, no “Hulk Hand Creme” or “Spider-man’s Broken Bone Strengthener”.

  4. The headline words are all jumbled together on my screen.

    However, this being a local issue (erm, not THAT local, people! ew!) I’d already heard about it.

    But, like Lauri, it boggles my mind so much that I’m unable to think of anything witty about Annie’s product.

    • Is it on the local news? Maybe ActionWitnessNews 12 could set up a TIP-LINE! Har!

      Sorry. The hand creme is awesome, though.

      • ActionWitnessNews12 had a difficult time keeping a straight face, yes.

        Mention of law by “inactivist” and friends, Jews and Muslims saying it interferes w/First Amendment rights of their religion, men and women on the street saying it ought to be the parents’ decision, WTF is the gov’t trying to tell them what to do with their baby’s bits? Vox Pop: ewwww!

    • I can understand both sides, but it sorta freaks me out that this guy is trying to mandate what can be done with other people’s babies junk. I have friends who have spawned little boys. Some made the cut; others didn’t. The boys are all obnoxious, regardless of their foreskinlessness. Let’s put implementation of a penal code waaay down on the “How to Fix the Country” list.

      • That was pretty much the consensus by everyone who’s not nuts (har! nuts!). Stupid, useless law which wouldn’t have any affect and is right there unConstitutional. How’s about we work on that economy thang instead?

    • It’s the other 99% of people that makes them idiots, not the presence or absence of the original factory trim package.

      (And I second the HAR on “nuts”)

  5. My husband and I had no problems deciding on having our son circumcised. One of my husband’s friends was circumcised at the age of 48, after undergoing several very unpleasant infections in the foreskin area. The friend said he wished he’d been born Jewish instead of old-country Polish Catholic, as it would have been nicer to have undergone the ritual when he was a baby instead of an adult male.

    At the age of 21 my son seems to be just fine—no trauma, no agonizing over “Why, god? Why did my parents put me through this?” Of course, I don’t ask him about that sort of thing…. 😉

    • I don’t blame that for any of my life’s problems. However, if they’d have tried that at age 15, it would have been a big deal. As unpleasant as it might be at 3 days old, I imagine it still pales next to that whole squeezed out through a tiny birth canal thing.

      I should never have tried to get hand creme name suggestions in the same post that started with the proposed penal code…although, one could argue they both involve skin care. 😛

      • Har! I didn’t think of suggesting a name for the hand creme, maybe because winter care hand creme sounded just fine to me. But I suddenly had a naughty thought about hand creme and foreskins, which I won’t follow up on. 😀

      • I was wandering around teh interwebs, and CNN.com had a story about the priest whose story is told in “The Rite.” Interesting story, and Fr Thomas seemed like a sincere man of strong faith. The comments were hilarious. The atheists were bashing the Bible, and the evangelicals were bashing the atheists. My favorite was one barely litterate scread from a atheist talking abot how iq gose down the more riligius you are. (I’m not quoting directly, but it was pretty ironically bad). I’d bet most of the 1200 comment-leavers weren’t even making their own points, but regurgitating somebody else’s ideas.

        And if you don’t e-mail me the rude comment you referenced, than eye won’t tell yo how rong yore believes are.

        (Sic, again. 😉 (I do love snarky comments, though, and you DO have my e-mail addy))

      • You’ve been emailed. But you should avoid reading the comments on CNN stories, which are only a tad more intelligent than the comments on Yahoo news stories. Those things will start sucking the IQ out of your head until you’re left with just the lizard portion of your brain. Eventually someone, hopefully not a loved one, will find you slithering around the floor on all fours.

        Of course, if they found me doing that, they’d probably just assume I was hunting for dust bunnies under the furniture. 😀

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