Wednesday Night Mental Chex Mix

*- I want to read a book about Lisbeth Salander and Luna Lovegood teaming up to fight crime. Somebody please write this.

*- Seriously, if Stinki, (or whatever her name is) from the Annoying Jersey Skankwhores (or whatever it’s name is) can have a bestselling book, surely a tale of two eccentric young women who find love and satisfaction using magic and mad hacking skills to fight crime would kick chart ass.

*-  Maybe in one book, they can team up with Stephanie Plum.

*- Thanks a lot, Christina <3.  I had to buy Gummy Bears while I was at the Infernal Store™.

*- Technically, the Infernal Store™ brand Gummy Bears are made in Mexico, and should perhaps be called “Gummy Osos.”

*- With apologies to Mexico and Mexicans, I can’t help but picture Mexico like the Mexico Pavillion at EPCOT.

*- The beauty of Disney’s Mexico is that not only will the water not cause Montezuma’s Revenge, you can walk to China and Norway in ten minutes.

*- Did Montezuma come to the U.S. and get “loose culo agua” from the water?

*- Were I Montezuma, I think i’d be a bit angry that all most people know me for is gleefully causing them to expel gallons of acidic butt gravy.

*- Happily, I note that there is no water in Los Gummy Osos, and I’ve never heard of any Mexicans seeking revenge via carnauba wax or FD&C Red 40.

*- I hate to admit this, but when it comes to Gummy Osos, I’m pretty segregationist.  In a perfect world, I would only eat red osos with other red osos.  However, I will allow red and orange to be eaten together. Same with yellow and green.  Occasionally, orange and yellow, but that’s really pushing my tolerance to the max.

*- Tonight, I was able to determine that Infernal Store™ is exactly one “One” by U2 from my home.

*- This pleases me, for I know all the words, and it’s in my range.

*- In Bruce Cockburn’s anti-1984-US-Central-American-policy song “Nicaragua,” he sings, “Now Washington panics at U2 shots of Cuban-style latrines.”

*- My roommate Freshman year actually asked me why U2 would take pictures of latrines.

*- Thank God I didn’t have to explain that B-52’s existed in more than just his own private Idaho.

*- The first in the Luna & Lisbeth series could be “The Girls Who Wrangled the Snorkack.”

*- Or, “The Girls Who Caught Nargles From A Young Married Couple They Picked Up In Montego Bay.”

*- Stieg Larsson will come back to life and sue me.

*- Hey, Lisbeth liked when Miriam Wu tied her up. Imagine the fun she’d have if Luna “petrificus totalis”d her.

*- I want to get a Kindle, but have it supercharged with a “combine” feature.

*- That way, you could see how characters from different books would react with one another.

*- You know Hermione Granger would’ve been useful in “The Lord of the Rings” series, just as you know Mikhael Blomkvist would try to mount Stephanie Plum, only to have her rebuff his affections.

*- Lula would take him, though, and Kalle Fucking Blomkvist would return to Nørågdrthsïÿdhtrãkj a broken, yet certainly less boring, man.

*- And Luna and Lisbeth could rid the Northwest of whiny, sparkly vampires.

*- Ah, well. Time for more stabby feet meds, and reading.  Robert Langdon is teaching Runes at Hogwarts this term.  We’ll see if Harry Potter and his new soulmate, Holden Caulfield, can pass.

*- Enjoy your week.


8 Responses to “Wednesday Night Mental Chex Mix”

  1. This was HIGHLY entertaining. I am thinking of so many books I want combined now…

    Anyone ridding the world of sparkly vampires is OK in my book.

    • If you’ve never read “Pride & Prejudice & Zombies” or “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” you should do so at once. Mr. Darcy is a whole lot cooler when he’s killing zombies. 🙂

  2. Okay, the husband and I both LOL at the U2/B-52 comments.

    • Glad I could help. Anytime I can present somebody’s ignorance for mockery and laughter, it’s my pleasure to do so. 😉

      You and Mr LT have a lovely night.

  3. I could never understand why Harry Potter ended up with that bland Ginny Weasley over the lumnious and far more interesting Miss Lovegood. She does belong in another book where she’s much more appreciated.

  4. christinaheart Says:


    There’s an Amish store up here where I can buy a pack of ONLY RED GUMMY OSOS! 😀

    Also, it made me smile that you went from Stephanie Plum to me and gummy bears. That kind of rocks. 🙂

    It makes me happy that Lula only exists in Plumland. If I knew someone like Lula in real life, I think the character would be ruined for me.

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