Monday Night Mental Chex Mix


*- “They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday’s just as bad.”
*- That’s kind of an appropriate musical sentiment, as it was stormy as hell most of today.
*- The song “Stormy Monday” was written by legendary blues man T-Bone Walker.
*- “T-Bone” is not Mr. Walker’s given name.
*- “T-Bone” is a nickname for Porterhouse Mignon Walker, Jr.
*- Sorry.  His real name was Aaron Thibeaux Walker. *- If you add an “n” to Thibeaux, it sounds like T-Bone, almost like he was destined for being the first man to combine blues, electric guitar, and meat names. (T-Bone Burnette, Haggis MacGregor, Jean-Luc “Boeuf Bourgignon” Lejeune, etc)
*- Expressing a similar distaste for inclement Monday weather, we have “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.”
*- “Rainy Days and Mondays” was famousized by legendary blues man Karen Carpenter.
*- Karen is not Ms Carpenter’s real first name.
*- Her original birth name was “Blind Lemon T-Bone Carpenter.”
*- She took “Karen” as her confirmation name.
*- Anyway, I had to drive a lot today.  Lynn had a doctor’s appointment in North Tampa. Since her car is broken, and it would have taken her three hours each way on the bus, I offered to take her.
*- I didn’t get much sleep, since her appointment was at 1pm.
*- It’s okay. But I hate driving in heavy traffic when it’s raining. People do stupid shit, and it’s harder to avoid them when the roads are rain-slicked.
*- Blah, blah, blah. Made it to the doctor’s office.  They were busy, and I sat in the waiting room for nearly two hours, but it was fine. They have a 47″ LED tv, and they always show awesome documentaries. 
*- Last month, it was a BBC documentary about the Ganges. Today, it was about how oil, mass production, the Civil War, etc, shaped America’s economy.  Liev Schreiber narrated. (In Hebrew, “Liev” translates to “T-Bone.”)
*- Liev Schreiber is an excellent narrator, and I mean no affront to him, but I liked last month’s documentary better.  It was narrated by an Indian woman now living in London. (Yes, I imdb/Google/Wikipedia’d the issue)
*- So while I learned how Clara Barton revolutionized battlefield medicine (and that, according to this Hobbit-like lady who felt compelled to share information with any and all people in her vicinity, there is a Clara Barton service plaza on the New Jersey Turnpike), Lynn consulted with her physician.
*- We stopped by a pharmacy to get her prescriptions filled, and I drove her to work. After a quick jaunt to the store, I finally came home.
*- I love rainy days when I don’t have to go anywhere, when I can just sleep or read, and enjoy the peaceful sound of rain falling on Lake Tom.
*- Instead, I ended up driving 100 miles in heavy traffic, and–
*- Holy crap! Have you seen McDonalds’ new breakfast item?
*- OATMEAL! Yes, oatmeal, with diced apples and cranberries, a little light cream, and brown sugar.
*- I had to try it.  It was nice. Warm and filling and very tasty.  No special sauce or mysterious cheese-like substances. Just oatmeal.
*- One of the toughest things about being in hospital a few years back was their insistence that I eat oatmeal and yogurt. I clashed about the yogurt–I refused to eat the sickeningly sweet ones. The oatmeal was just (yawn) boring. I made it work by dumping sugar-free jam on it.
*- I’ll give it this: after 5 weeks of oatmeal, my cholesterol was lower than my iq.
*- I actually bought oatmeal at the store today.  I’m trying to eat better and (heaven forfend!) lose some weight. This will help with the stabby feet, one of my archnemeses.
*- We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, I’m happy to report that my friend and co-worker, Ashley, finally made it to her OB-GYN. They used their expensive ultrasound machine and found what?
*- That the DorkFone’s (imaginary) Ultrasound 2.0 for Android app was 100% right! She’s having a girl! Hooray!
*- They’re going to name her Savannah…
*- But she’ll always be named “T-Bone” in my book.
*- Happy Monday.


7 Responses to “Monday Night Mental Chex Mix”

  1. A girl named T-Bone… I like that. somewhere, there is a country and western song waiting to be written. Kind of like A Boy Named Sue…

  2. “I’ll give it this: after 5 weeks of oatmeal, my cholesterol was lower than my iq.”

    Aw, come on tom. Nobody has a cholesterol level that low.

    Sorry, just kidding. Kidding! I love your riff on T-Bone. But I suddenly have this horrible craving for steak. T-bone steak, with onions.

    • Har!

      Lol. Truth be told, Professor Gozen, during that same 5 weeks, I took so many powerful narcotic painkillers that my IQ was probably waaay lower than it once was.

      I’d love a nice steak myself, with onions, mushrooms, and a nice baked potato. Oatmeal need not apply.

  3. I’m hugely entertained by the idea of you calling this little baby girl T-Bone.

    Props to the DorkPhone!

  4. Well,

    My cousins call my son Seabass and if you call Savannah T-Bone we could do something with this. What do you think about a Surf and Turf resturant. Hey, I love steak and shrimp!!!

    • I think Seabass and T-Bone would be the greatest children names ever, especially if they become blues artists. And you are delightfully demented, dear Ashley.

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