Holy Cuticles!

Here on my subtropical sandbar, we’ve had an unusually cold winter, which has led to my hands getting dry and my cuticles cracked.  Naturally, I contacted Annie the Soapmaker at www.erdastudios.com for assistance.

Thank God I did! She has a product called ERDA Winter Care Hand Creme.

There’s nothing worse than cracked, bleeding cuticles. 

Okay, that’s not true.  Being kicked in the face would be worse.  So would scrotal surgery, or nipped to death by yappy dogs.

But whoa! I opened the jar, and was immediately transported to the top of a mountain, breathing in the cool, fresh, Alpine air.  It was like one of those York Peppermint Patty commercials, only without any candy.

But then, freakin’ Jessica Alba showed up with a bag of York Peppermint Patties! Really! She wanted to dance with me.  Can you believe it? Right there on top of some mountain. 

I didn’t care.  I had a York Peppermint Patty to consume.  I told her to dance by herself.

Whoa! She did it! She started dancing to beat the band.  In fact, a band walked up.  Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, to be precise.  They started singing “You and Me and the Bottle Make Three Tonight.” It was awesome.  She was dancing; I was chewing.  It made my teeth hurt a little, though.  Partially the cold, and partially that really sweet goo in the middle of the Peppermint Patty.

Not Marcy’s life-partner–Lord only knows what sort of goo would be found in the middle of THAT Peppermint Patty–but that white, pseudo-minty stuff beneath the chocolate covering.

So I couldn’t help myself.  I dropped the bag of candy there on the snow, and started dancing with Jessica. Wow.  She can move.  I was amazed, too, that my knees and back felt absolutely great! I’m sure it was the organic aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract I’d absorbed through my hands.  And the weird thing is, my Reebok hoodie had turned into a freakin’ zoot suit jacket.  Jessica Alba can flat out dance too, let me tell you.

So they slowed the pace.  It was “Rhapsody in Blue.” Jessica came to me.  We held each other close, and swayed there on our mountaintop.  She was soft and warm, like a cat sleeping on a sunny beach.  And she smelled like peppermint, like freedom and life and money in the bank.

All because of Erda Winter Care Hand Creme.  Available exclusively through www.erdastudios.com  (your results may not be like mine)

(Well, actually.  Most of that stuff didn’t happen, per se.  But my hands are no longer dried out and ookey, and the peppermint smell is pretty awesome.)

Happy Sunday.

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11 Responses to “Holy Cuticles!”

  1. LMAO.
    I am off to work with a big grin on my face!

    And, I will check out the link for the hand cream….with hopes that Viggo will meet me on a mountain somewhere…

    • Glad you got a grin. I’m not sure whether Viggo would appear. However, the hand creme is awesome. It’s really thick, like paste, but it rubs right in, and it works. Not bad for $5 a jar.

      Have fun in the poo lab. *snerk* 😀

  2. I’m having fun but I’m not in the poo lab today. It’s ER, so lots of blood and pee and the occasional spinal fluid. 🙂

    • Suh-weeeet! Maybe some jerky guy will come in, and you can catheterize him. 😀

      • Eeeeeeeeee. I don’t think I would want to cathertize anyone, let along a jerky guy!

        I work in the lab so I don’t have to deal with human beans. 🙂

    • Pinto beans are preferable to human beans. Pintos give us lots of fun poot gasses. Humans just lead to headaches and heartaches with equal aplomb.

  3. Wow. I want that. All of that. Everything. Can I get that?

    • Yep, for just five bucks a jar. 😉 (I might have exaggerated certain details to a little degree in certain parts)

      It did do wonders for my dried out hands, though.

  4. christinaheart Says:

    Hehehe.

    I LOVE PEPPERMINT PATTIES! I think I’d completely ignore Jessica Alba once I had the Peppermint Patties. She’d be interrupting my awesome candy time.

    I want some delicious smelling lotion.

  5. AnnieChristensen Says:

    Very funny story! I love how our partially normal conversations turn into extraordinary twists of your twisted imagination! I made some more hand cream and it’s available on my Etsy shop page at http://www.etsy.com/shop/ErdaStudios. Danke for the product plug!

    • What??!!? That all happened!! I don’t know how you worked it with Jessica Alba, but thank you. 😉

      Cuticles still minty-fresh and uncracked. Stabby feet are driving me crazy with all these damned stormy cold fronts. Happy Birthday to the lovely baby. The big oh-two. 🙂

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