Okay, So I’m Kind of a Jackass

I’m a reasonably nice guy, most of the time.  I don’t go out of my way to be mean to people. I just live my little life with my little group of friends and loved ones, and mainly keep to myself.

Every now and then, though, the cosmic tumblers click into place, and there’s a golden comedy opportunity too awesome to resist.

Friday night, I was toiling away in the Pit of Constant Sorrows, and my friend Ashley was over chatting with my partner-in-crime Lynn and me. Ashley was excited, because she had an impending OB doc appointment, and she would learn the sex of her baby. (Note: Ashley is currently pregnant, not in possession of a baby with ambiguous genitalia)

I looked up at her and smiled. “Hell, hon. I have an ultrasound app on my phone. I could tell you what it is right now.” She looked at me quizically. “Really?”

“Yup. ‘Ultrasound 2.0 for Android.” I picked up the DorkFone. “Come here.” She moved over, and I pushed a couple buttons, and pressed the DorkFone to her belly. People were watching with rapt attention. After a few seconds of scanning, I looked at the screen and said, “Congratulations, hon. It’s a girl!” I showed her the image, and she cocked her head, trying to make out all the details.

Ashley’s fetus is about 35,000 light years across, which is a little big for 3 months. I’d chosen a lovely photograph of a nebula.

She laughed and handed the phone back to me. “I’m guessing there isn’t really an ultrasound app on your phone?”
“Nope, but I have a killer Yahtzee game. And if I did have an ultrasound, I’d be happy to scan your fetus.”
She’d had a rough day, and she needed a laugh.

Too bad there isn’t an ultrasound feature on the Android. Maybe in version 3.0.

Happy Tuesday.

(This is Ashley’s baby (it does look female to me))

image

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6 Responses to “Okay, So I’m Kind of a Jackass”

  1. That’s hilarious, not jackassy! Too funny!

  2. Ha! Ashley must like you a lot, because I probably would have smacked you over the head if you did that to me when I was heavy with child!

    (You’re on the verge of tears or ready to explode, figuratively and literally, when you’re in the second and third trimesters of pregnancy. My husband said when I was carrying our first child he felt like he was living with a bomb.)

    But maybe you should make a suggestion to Google about that. They might cut you a percentage if that one sells.

    • Ashley isn’t that big yet, and she has an amazingly sweet temperament. At the risk of sounding even more jackassish, it was just such an audacious thing to say, and I sold the crap out of it, so it was hard for her not to fall for it.

      Partner-in-Crime, Lynn, and I spent a goodly amount of time enjoying the lunar eclipse last night. She pointed out a bright light and asked if it was Jupiter. I told her no, it was Sirius. I pulled out the DorkFone, fire up Google Sky Map, and showed her. We agreed: this app is truly in the geek pantheon of Android apps.

      At least till Ultrasound 2.0 for Android, of course. 😉

  3. Awwww. I think it’s totally sweet! Not jackassy at all!

    I LOVE Google Sky! I have always wanted to know what everything up there was!
    It hasn’t shown me any female fetuses…fetii?….yet, though!

  4. Tom, you’re not a jackass. It was actually pretty funny and it made my day because I really did need that laugh!

    Thanks,

    Ashley

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