Tom Tested, Elvis Approved

There’s a wonderful column called “Eat This, Not That.” The editor of Men’s Health magazine takes nutritional horrors and offers healthier substitutions.  You can follow him on Twitter at @DaveZinczenko . 

The problem is, sometimes I don’t want to eat the alternative.  If I’m going out for large-ass breakfast, I don’t want his recommended Simple & Fit Turkey Bacon Omlette with
420 calories.  I want something like the following. 

Congratulations IHOP! In Heaven, Elvis is singing your praises, and on earth, grease and goodwill toward men.  Herewith, the winner.  Hooray!!
IHOP Big Country

Worst Breakfast
IHOP Big Country Breakfast with Chicken Fried Steak & Country Gravy
2,440 calories
145 g fat (56 g saturated)
210 g carbohydrates
5,520 mg sodium

Here’s the anatomy of a breakfast disaster: Take a 12-ounce steak, bread it, fry it, and then cover it with gravy. Then, on the side, drop three eggs and three buttermilk pancakes. Does it not occur to IHOP that this is actually three full meals that would weigh in at more than 800 calories apiece?

That’s a breakfast to be proud of! A breakfast you sit down to with a Sunday newspaper and a hangover.  Add a couple quarts of iced tea, and you’re ready for a nice recovery nap.

5 Responses to “Tom Tested, Elvis Approved”

  1. I don’t think Mr Zinczenko does mind if you enjoy one of these once in a while. 😉
    But I admit every time I see him on TV I like what he is doing. Unfortunately I can’t “translate” the foods one to one, since our brands are different and often also what’s in the package. But great for clues.

    • I agree–some of the things he uncovers are pretty scary, like the Hardee’s Monster Burgers. This one got me, because when I used to drink, I’d occasionally love a huge breakfast like this. Now I wouldn’t order this.

      I don’t like pancakes. 😉 Happy Tuesday.

  2. christinaheart Says:

    Do you really not like pancakes? I’ve never known anyone (outside of my freak-o-zoid ex) that doesn’t like pancakes.

    Anyway, I like the *idea* of “Eat this, not that” but I can’t use it in my real life. Because I don’t eat fast food often, so when I want a burger I WANT A BURGER and I want it with cheese and I want it with beef, not turkey. I also want fries.

    But, like I said, I don’t usually eat fast food. Tonight, though, I’m getting a cheeseburger from the Irish place with a small fry. Those cheeseburgers are the best freakin’ things ever.

    Maybe I’ll get a happy meal if the toys are good enough.

    • I don’t really dislike pancakes, but I only eat them about once every two years. I don’t like maple syrup. Good blueberry pancakes are nice, and I like the strawberry or raspberry syrup. Still, i’d take an omelette or biscuits & gravy any day. 🙂

      • christinaheart Says:

        I like pancakes/waffles with butter. Sometimes I’ll add some syrup (you know, for the extra sugar calories), but often I’ll just eat them with butter.

        I love them because it’s like eating cake for breakfast, but no one looks at you funny. 🙂

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