And Deliver Us From the Evil One

In The Facility’s group meeting room, Mary Frances M was speaking.  The room flickered in candlelight, the relative darkness giving MF courage as she told her story.

“Then, my husband, Patrick, woke me up one morning.  I was on the floor of the laundry room, passed out cold. I used to hide vodka bottles in the laundry room cabinets…”

Across the circle, a young readhaired girl spoke softly to the man next to her. “Next, I bet you five bucks it’s the cocaine hidden in the box of Tide.”

The Man acted as if he hadn’t heard.

“What’s wrong with you tonight, Tom?”
“I can’t say for sure, Linds.”
“You’ve been quiet since dinner.  Are you sick? You ate like five plates of Brussels sprouts.”
“Brussels sprouts, Lindsay? And shrimp scampi? And Boston cream pie? Don’t you get it? Don’t you see the signs??”
“The signs? Signs of what?”

Tom Arnold’s face paled as the candles faltered in a   sudden breeze.

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”

Tom Arnold stood suddenly, and raised his hand skyward, before gesturing around the room.  Twenty-eight of the thirty people in the circle fell fast asleep in their chairs. 

Lindsay stood beside her friend, a scared look on her face.
“Tom, what the–“
“Dum spiro, spero. Dum spiro, tuebimur!*”
“–HELL are you–“

The French doors to the Facility’s courtyard shattered, as the Cheneymonster’s minions thrust the command coffin through the glass.

The coffin lid opened.  LiLo stood paralyzed as Hank Jonas’ body climbed out of the coffin, a nasty leer on his face.

“Hello, Lindsay,” a cold voice said.  “Been a long time since that hotel room in Atlantic City, where you and that Ginger Sister friend of yours left me tied up, naked and cold, as you stole my wallet and car keys.”

“Oh, Jesus,” LiLo whispered in terrified amazement. “Cheney!”

“Right the second time.  And whenever Lindsay is in trouble, her little friend Gingie will follow, along with that Vision woman, and her flea-bitten mutt, Spam.”

“That would be Sam,” came the menacing voice of Clint Eastwood.  Cheney and his evil minions spun round to see Ginger Sister & Kelly Vision, each with a gun in her hand, their minions, Tabitha and Dmitri, and a Pez-wielding Stranger in a Guy Fawkes mask.  At their feet, the Wonderdog sat calmly, his tail wagging.  “And you have about ten damned seconds to live, you evil, Jonas-possessing, wrinkled old douchebag.”

A candle spluttered, and Tabitha smacked Kelly on the ass, a loving gesture just before all hell broke loose, and things got weird.

*- “While I breathe, I hope; while I breathe, we shall defend.”

Posted from WordPress for the DorkFone 9500 XLT


5 Responses to “And Deliver Us From the Evil One”

  1. Sweet holy mother of all that’s, well, holy. This is getting good now… Why do I feel like Sargent Hatred from the Venture Brothers all of a sudden? LOL

    • LOL. And that clip had a Hank! Coincidence? I think not!

      Gosh, I just hope our heroes prevail. Thanks for stopping by, sir. And for not suing me or anything. 😉

  2. Aaaaahhh! The action! The suspense! Tom Arnold speaking Latin!

    • Lol. I think we’ll use that on the movie posters. “The action! The suspense! Tom Arnold speaking Latin!” Then again, I think that was “Citizen Kane”s tagline.

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