Monday Night Innoculation Update


Over my life’s course, I’ve made some relatively major decisions based on odd portents. 

Okay, that sounded way weirder than I meant.  I’m not saying that I decided to take a certain job because the Oracle of Delphi said I should. (Although the Oracle of Delfonics told me “La-La Means I Love You” (rimshot))

An example.  Many moons ago, I was the Production Director and Afternoon jock at The Point, 102.5.  I enjoyed my job and my coworkers, and I was reasonably happy.  Then the GM of U-92 called and offered me a job. The money was better, and I’d have more creativity. Hmm.

I was torn.  What made me decide to take the offer was my best friend, John Miller.  Did John tell me to take the job? Nope. John has a brother named Tim, whom I’ve always liked a lot.  Tim is a total genius, and one of the nicest people on earth.

The portents: in the hallway next to my potential desk was the same poster hanging behind John’s couch, and U-92’s evening jock was named Tim Miller.

Sign me up!

I probably would have taken the job anyway, but these portentious coincidences sealed it. 

The reason I even mention this is that last Thursday, I stopped at the 7-Eleven to buy caffeine before work.  I used my swipeycard, and clicked that yes, thank you, I would just adore receiving $10 cash back.  Jo-Jo the 7-Elesbian gave me a lovely, crisp Hamilton, bumped fists with me, and wished me a pleasant day. (Jo-Jo and I are buds)

I drove to work, walked inside, and there was a sign next to the large conference room: “Flu Shots $10. Cash Only.”  It seemed perfect. I had this lovely $10 bill, and it just happened that our company was sponsoring flu shots for $10.

If Jo-Jo had given me two fives, I wouldn’t have felt so compelled.  Just to be sure, I called my mom, who said, “You work in a large office just teeming with pestilence and virus, with disease running down the walls, like the fruit punch machine at the Woolworth’s lunch counter; Lord only knows what epidemiological nightmares lurk amongst your mouth-breather coworkers under the best circumstances, so yeah, a flu shot would be a good idea.” (In actuality, she just said, “Yep. I would.” (She’s a nurse, not a melodramaticist))

So I went into the room, filled out the little form, accepted my informative FAQ sheet, handed over Jo-Jo’s ten-spot, rolled up my left sleeve, and got punctured.

No pain at all.

Last year, my friend-girl Carrie got a flu shot, and she ended up with a nasty cellulitis infection. I wasn’t worried about that, despite having almost been smited by a cellulitisish infection.  If the typical immune system runs on 110 volts, Carrie’s would run on a non-alkaline penlight battery. (Perhaps ironically, Carrie was in my studio when the U-92 GM called to offer me the job) 

Yesterday, I awoke with the worst hangover I’ve had in a decade, even though I hadn’t drunk any alcohol.  I felt fevery and achey. Aw, bollocks.

My fever was low-grade, and my aches were minor. No big deal. The helpful FAQ sheet said this could happen, and that it’s no big deal.  I’ve fought it back with NyQuil, and I’m feeling much better.  All I could think, though, was that if I HAD gotten cellulitis or spattergroit or some other malady, it would all be my best friend’s older brother’s damn fault.

And Alexander Hamilton’s. I’m almost glad Aaron Burr popped a musketball in his Federalist buttocks.  Have a happy, flu-free day.


9 Responses to “Monday Night Innoculation Update”

  1. **covers nose and mouth** You to Tom, you too…

    • Haha. When I was in the hospital, they had a hand sanitizer dispenser next to the door in my room. I don’t know what brand it was, but it smelled exactly like Smirnoff Citrus Twist Vodka. Being on Dilaudid, it took me awhile to figure out what the smell actually was. I was intrigued that everyone working in ICU was drinking vodka as part of their rounds. I was simultaneously relieved and a little disappointed to find the truth.

  2. Well, thanks for the tip, Tom. I just made an appointment to get a flu shot next week, but maybe I’ll skip it. :-0

    • Nah. It wasn’t bad. And I’ll take a day or two of minor aches over the actual flu. Enjoy the World Series. It was nice of them to arrange a World Series to welcome you back to Cali. Have a good night, professor.

  3. I really enjoyed reading this (safely ensconsed in my own home away from all those extra teaming germs)

    ps are you dating yourself or your mom by mentioning Woolworth’s and its lunch counter?

    • I probably am, CC. I do remember the Woolworth’s lunch counter though, and I was endlessly fascinated by the fruit punch fountain thing. I don’t even know if the Woolworth’s is still there, or if anyone drinks fruit punch. Last time I had fruit punch, I’m sure that A) it was at least five years ago, and B) that there was vodka or rum supercharging it.

  4. christinaheart Says:

    I’m afraid of the flu shot because every time my mom gets it, she gets a bitchin’ cold.

    Don’t. Want.

    Of course, seeing that I work with dirty, dirty money, I should PROBABLY get a flu shot.

    Still, I probably won’t.

    There was no point to this comment.

  5. I get my flu shot for free, and still can’t bring myself to get it. I always feel crapalicious after having it. That can’t be good for me – and I managed to go the last couple of years without having it (but the year before I had a terrible case of it. I am calling it an experiment – half of our staff had had it, half haven’t. Let the flu season begin!

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