Monday RAWR!.


One of the main reasons why the planet trembled fearfully in the late 80’s was the invasion of Aedes albopictus! Yes! The Asian Tiger Mosquito!

Well, that or the final stages of the cold war.

But believe me, in the nerd-redolent lab-smelling halls of entomologists, it was red alert.

The Asian Tiger Mosquito breeds near humans almost exclusively.  It’s a vector for more diseases than Amy Winehouse, and launched a 2006 epidemic of Chikungunya fever that infected 266,000 people on one French Island alone.

I remember one entomologist breathlessly telling me: “It can carry all four strains of Dengue Fever, BUT WHAT’S WORST OF ALL,” he wheezed, “it can transmit it transovarially!”

Holy shit! I was 20, and my mission that summer was to mount this girl Liz, who worked with me there, and now I had to worry about transovarially…

Wait, “huh?” I replied. The bug guy explained that if mama had dengue, then all of her babies would.

Oh no!

I dealt with the news by taking Liz to happy hour and making out for a few hours, taking care not to transmit anything anywhere near her ovaries.

The reason I even mention this, is that the albopictus has not brought about the Apocalypse. Not even close.  Earnest, underpaid, overeducated people like my former boss have kept this hellbug under control.

(I was once scolded for deriding a Culex quinquefasiatus: “Mock if you will, tom, but what do you think destroyed the Roman Empire, smart guy?”)

The reason this came bubbling up to the surface of my Crazy is this girl at work.  She’s 7 months pregnant.  She has a bunch of tattoos–not tasteful, elegant, artistic things either–and all I could think was that if I were allowed to change creation in one pranky way, it would be that tattoos and body piercings would be transmitted transovarially.  Lord only knows what most daycare centers would look like, especially after a few generations of “tramp stamps.”  Toddlers would resemble NASCAR racers.

Sorry about this rant.  I think it’s the malaria.

Anyway, I hope you have a happy, Aedes albopictus-free Monday.


14 Responses to “Monday RAWR!.”

  1. Thank you for teachine me that new word, today, Tom. You’re a fount of mnowledge and lateral thinking.

    I have to write a thousand words today and I just know already none of it’s going to be as enthralling as this post.

  2. Wow. That’s a scary thought. Kids born with tramp stamps. Especially if it was a boy. What of the father’s tattoos” Would those come across too? So that big nekkid lady on his chest would cause irreperable mental damage to his teenage daughter? Scary…

    • Yikes. I knew a guy with a very cartoonishly buxom naked girl (think “tractor-trailer mudflaps classy”) tattoed on his forearm. Any daughter would be mortified.

  3. Lmao! Thanks for a great laugh. I really needed this. I like the way your brain work 😆

  4. Transovarial Tattoos would be a great band name, as well as a great idea.

    I like Kzinti’s addition as well. Esp. since these sorts of people tend to interbreed. If both were to happen, toddlers would be the Illustrated Tot in one generation. Plus you’d have tattoos overlaying tattoos.

  5. christinaheart Says:

    Part of me would love to see these bad decisions haunt people for longer than their own lives. The other part of me says, “But what if these children are infinitely wiser than their parents straight out of the womb?”

    Transovarial is REALLY a word?

    Well, I’ll be damned, it IS!

  6. I enjoyed reading this thanks for sharing your thoughts

  7. Yay, I finally found you. I’ve been meaning to hunt you down.

    Transovarial tattoos are a brilliant idea!! ALthough all it would probably do is give a huge boost to the tattoo removal industry. 😛

  8. I wonder if you could be vaccinated against tattoos? Hmmm.

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