Goody Goody Gumdrops: Saturday Mental Chex Mix


  • After a week of coughing and horking, my brain pattern has been recorded as you see above.
  • And just like that, it’s Saturday again.  Another work week has blurred by, and I’m left to smite my way through tomFriday
  • Snotstock ’10 had a brilliant run.  My body is in the physiological equivalent of cleaning up after 600,000 hippies.
  • Meaning, I don’t think there’s any new snot production occurring, but the Yazgur’s Farm that is my sinus-lung system is getting rid of a week’s worth of inventory.
  • I just imagined a bunch of antibodies walking through my lungs and sinuses, poking those little sticks with nails on them, picking up dead cold stuff, and putting the germ carcasses in a shoulder bag before dumping them en masse into the cough tank.
  • One of the most enduring gross images I’ve encountered was from my friend Adam.  One day back in AP Biology class, apropos of nothing, Adam looked at me and said, “Did you ever notice that when you swish mucous through your teeth, it kinda tastes like drawn butter?”
  • It kinda does.
  • Staceypunkin is working OT today.  She’s contentedly cutting things up into little pieces, as is her wont.
  • There was a time, many moons ago, when I sat next to Staceypunkin at work.  I was working the ungodly early shift, 0630 till 1500.  In my prework stupor, I’d stumble in to the 7-Eleven, and purchase a large vessel of coffee.  For some reason, they had these rubber toy lizards for sale. 
  • Well, I bought one for Staceypunkin.  She loved it.  So the next day, she came in, and there was another lizard on her desk.  This repeated, until she had the complete set of four.
  • One of her filing cabinets became “the lizard garage,” where the four lizards would reside when not being played with. 
  • Finally, I was able to change my hours to 1500-0130. Hooray! More tom-friendly hours.
  • I came in one afternoon, and there was a pile of very tiny, very neat little pieces of rubber. 
  • There was also a lizard with no tail.
  • Gradually, the lizards would lose teeth, lips, tails, toes, and at least one was completely autopsied, and emptied of whatever lizard stuffing was inside it.
  • Staceypunkin really enjoys cutting things into pieces. 
  • But that’s okay.  It keeps her off the streets.
  • I wouldn’t want her to cut up my pizza though.
  • Pity she wasn’t around during the Manhattan Project.  She could’ve split the atom with her sharp little scissors.
  • Then again, I’d have a Punkin who was a hundred years old, instead of 19 or whatever she is. 😉
  • If you hate gumdrops, would you be offended when somebody says “Goody goody gumdrops?”
  • I like gumdrops, but I think that’s a dumb expression, although it’s far more melodic than “Goody goody Chik-o-Stix.”
  • Chik-o-Stix are yummy, perhaps even moreso than gumdrops. 
  • For most of my life, Chik-o-Stix were only known as “crap that ends up in your Halloween bag and is never available any other time,” along with MaryJanes and Bit-O-Honey’s.
  • Staceypunkin liked Almond Joys and Mounds.  Because, sometimes she feels like a nut, and…
  • I lament that there are no longer catchy jingles for products. 
  • Seriously, the first time I played Natasha Bedingfield on the radio, I thought, “OMG! Somebody made a song out of that stupid Zayles commercial!”
  • When I was a kid, back in the 20th Century, there were jingles.  “Burger King,” you say?
  • “Hold the pickles hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us, all we ask is that you let us serve it your way.”
  • I won a radio contest when I was ten, because I was able to sing the “Big Mac” jingle: “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun. Bah-doo-doo-doo, Big Mac Big Mac Big Mac Big Mac…”
  • Those of you who remember are cursing me right now. 😀
  • Know who wrote a lot of commercial jingles??
  • Barry Manilow.
  • Know who else wrote a lot of commercial jingles??
  • Satan.
  • It’s the Dark One’s fault I spent years of my life fruitlessly looking for the Honeycomb Hideout.
  • Percentage of Honeycomb Hideout denizens who went on to make Big Mac’s professionally? 100%.
  • Looking back, I find it hilarious that there was a shack in the woods, and assorted hippie-ish kids would go, hang out, and rebelliously eat Honeycombs cereal.
  • What they didn’t show was the joints they passed around, inspiring those munchies only through which Honeycombs cereal elicited foodgasm.
  • If Stacey had been there, she’d have chopped all the Honeycombs into tiny crumbs.
  • Of course, she was still a zygote when the Honeycomb Hideout gang pulled their last bonghit.
  • Zygote sounds like part of a German phrase.
  • “Es sieht als ob es regnet wird und unsere Zygote ist nicht frei.”
  • As they say at Burger Koenig, “Hast es eure Weg.”
  • The countdown is on till NyQuil time, and the start of tomweekend.  Happy Saturday.

8 Responses to “Goody Goody Gumdrops: Saturday Mental Chex Mix”

  1. [this is good] I love your Yazgur’s Farm metaphor. Your brain may look like that picture, but it still works.

    • Thanks Laurie. The picture is Stacey’s handiwork. It’s like a cross between Pollock’s Lavender Mist and something a third-grade future serial killer would do. (if said hypothetical murderer hit the Honeycomb Hideout, would it be a cereal killer??)

  2. Ohmygoodness. So much literary greatness going on up there, Tom. 🙂

    I think you will probably (not) be surprised to know that chik-o-stix and bit-o-honey are two of my top 5 favorite candies EVER. I think I must just enjoy things that have that fun -o- thing in the middle. Maybe I’ll start calling people first name-0-last name. Wonder how long it would take before all of my friends got annoyed enough to stop hanging out with me? Hmmm. I’ll have to give this more thought. For the record, the others on my top 5 list are Reece’s miniature peanut butter cups (you get more chocolate per bite that way), anything involving toffee, and strawberry starburst, even though their chemical makeup is supposedly the same as earwax.

    I remember the honeycomb hideout. I really wanted to go. My friends and I had a similar club in a huge tree in the alley behind our houses, but instead of eating cereal, we would talk about becoming a famous band or what we thought was involved in sex. I also really loved the villain from the cookie crisp commercials. CooOOOOOkie crisp!

    As far as breakfast cereal goes, I always loved Oh’s! but they seriously tear up the roof of my mouth. Totally worth it.

    I am glad you are feeling at least somewhat better, friend. I hope you have a terrific Tom-weekend, and I hope the NyQuil gives you some seriously far-out dreams to share with us later. 😀

    ~KB (C-H)

  3. I hope the Snotstock venue gets cleaned up soon. Maybe you need some Honeycomb. It’s real big, yeah yeah yeah, it’s not small, no no no.

    • LOL Yeah. The Honeycombs jingle wasn’t exactly Dylanesque in its lyrical awesomeness. 😉 My best to their fuzzy royal highnesses.

  4. All I know is that she better stay away from my pizza with those scissors…

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