Famous Clown Missing: World Rejoices!

Okay, that's not nice.  Ronald McDonald was a perfectly wonderful human clown-being, whose Ronald McDonald Houses have brought aid and comfort to families in their times of need. 

Mr. McDonald, of course, lived in a a different time, in a McDonaldland ruled by Mayor McCheese, a talking cheeseburger.  The chief of the local gendarmerie was Big Mac, a good natured Irish two-patty burger with 1000 Island dressing.  Poor Big Mac was  plagued by the Hamburgler, who specialized in grand theft sandwich, and Captain Crook, a pirate who wreaked his own sort of havoc on the land-locked McDonaldland.  Oh! And there were Goblins, strange jellyfish-looking creatures who stole French fries with no regard for personal property laws or sodium intake.  Apparently, the only two residents of McDonaldland were noted clown, Ronald McDonald, and the Grimace, a giant, mentally challenged purple carpet.

You'd think this would be why people object to Ronald McDonald: because he's creepy and lives in a strange, crime-riddled neighborhood. It's worse. 

Imagine my confuzzled shock when I visited salon.com, and found the following headline:

The disappearance of Ronald McDonald

Oh, dear Lord, they killed him? Abducted him? Sent him to the retirement place where Amelia Earhart and Howard Hughes reside? All because he was odd and lives in a self-created world that makes Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson and their respective kingdoms of lunacy seem sane?

Nope.  It was because of people like "academic" Raj Patel, who opined, "Ronald is more of a Hamburgler, dipping into our pockets with our children’s fingers."

Sorry.  There are plenty of reasons to retire Ronald McDonald.  He's had a long and accomplished career, and it's time to hang up his floppy shoes. But for cryin' out loud, let's make him go away because he's creepy, not because he's robbing children. 

Then we can work on that phantasmagoric plastic-faced Burger King freak.

Happy Friday!


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2 Responses to “Famous Clown Missing: World Rejoices!”

  1. Agreed on all points.

  2. Well…speaking as someone who once volunteered to serve on a task force on nutrition in our local school district, the argument against cartoon mascots like Ronald was that they were used to sell deep fried food and mystery meat to children, who don't think very hard about what they put in their mouths. (And I have to admit now that I cringe at the term "task force.") But I will agree with you that Ronald was one creepy clown. In Europe a lot of people associate the US not with the persona of Uncle Sam, but Ronald McDonald. Which I find really scary.

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