Saturday Night Mental Chex Mix

  • It's the SPRINT TO THE FINISH for my Saturday night shift, and I have been incredibly remiss about voxing.  Ergo, I shall smack out as many thoughts as I can in the next 75 minutes (not that I'm counting).
  • The worst line in recent fiction has to be, "Don't lie to me.  I can tell you were with that whore Cecile, because your junk smells like the Mariner's Platter at Red Lobster."
  • I didn't really read this anywhere, but if I had, it really would be terrible. 
  • Honestly, I don't know where that line came from.  Certainly not from Cecile.
  • For years, I've inadvertantly seen jetliners as having gender based on their engine placement. 
  • Boy plane:

  • Girl plane:

  • I've been taking a home Interweb sabbatical, meaning I'll use the net at work, but not at home.  One result of this is that I have read about a novel a night.  One result of THAT is that I've had some bizarre dreams. 
  •  Last night, I had one that I was dating Mary Lou Retton, who was a champion ice skater (not a gymnast), and she and I were flying to Australia with my grandmother.  We flew on a giant 747-Tom (which is like a regular 747, except that the interior looks more like a sofa and recliner showroom, and–apparently–this 747 travels on Interstate highways).  At one point back in the USA, Mary Lou and I were driving down SR 20 outside Tallahassee, and we encountered a giant mountain of garbage on the road.  Try as I might, I just couldn't maneuver the USS Nimitz over the garbage mountain.  I remember thinking, as I sat there, wheels spinning futilely, "Well, THIS is a hella obvious dream image!"
  • I've met Mary Lou Retton, by the way.  Somewhere, there is (or was) a picture of Mary Lou and I smiling together.  She's a good 20 inches shorter than I am.  I wish I had that pic.
  • She was very nice in person (and in my dream), although she was a lot sexier as an ice skater than a gymnast. 
  • She'd probably tell you I'm a lot sexier in my dream than in the U-92 lobby.
  • Knowing that no-see-ums are genus Culecoides doesn't make their bites suck any less. 
  • Like airplanes, mosquito gender is determined by whether the engines are on the wings or aft, next to the tail.
  • Okay, that's not completely true.  You can tell gender because female mosquitoes have the last three abdominal segments inverted, which is where eggs are produced. 
  • And they shave their legs.
  • Not really. 
  • The hairiest legs I've ever seen on a female were on a Psorophora ciliata who was sucking a quart of blood from my leg.
  • The second-hairiest were on this girl named Anna H, whom I dated for a week and a half at FSU. 
  • (This space left free for your own hairy-legged female/sucking comments:                                                                                                                                          )
  • Thank you for your participation.
  • It's been crazy here, but I'm pleased to report, 10 fingers, 10 toes, one belly button, and a steady pulse.
  • Alas, I seem to have run out of workday.  Have a great and safe Labor Day Weekend.

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10 Responses to “Saturday Night Mental Chex Mix”

  1. I love you, mr. tom, for posting and I am going to read and comment on this when I'm sober.

  2. I can count to twenty-one. My cat can count to twenty-two.

  3. Dambit Tom, there's no space left now for saying anything on the topic of hairy legs and sucking. I have questions, tho.

  4. I always thought it was weird when some women would shave their legs only up to right above the knee. I feel like they should either shave it or not. Pick one. You can't do it both. This woman at work wore a knee length dress once and then she sat down so her dress hiked up a little bit and her thighs were the hairiest EVER. Her leg hairs were blonde, but it was so thick you could totally see it… VERY strange…

  5. You should enter that line about Cecile and the Red Lobster to the Bulwer-Lytton contest next spring.I've been reading a lot and having strange dreams too, but knowing they were dreams.

  6. Ten-ten and one, are they hairy? Mine sure are…

  7. Been missin' ya, Tom…

  8. Ack! Delete that last one (comment) tom!I miss you, but I applaud your "no internet at home" rule. Oh the things I could accomplish if only…..LOL at the hairy legs. I need to go paint my toenails!I'll never think of Red Lobster the same way….oh wait, that IS how I think of Red Lobster! 😉

  9. Happy painting! 🙂 My sabbatical ends at midnight, thank goodness. I'll have more time to spew non-sequiturs and mock things.

  10. Hooray for spewing and mocking!! And wenching and ale-ing!!

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