Q&A: A meme-a-weh a meme-a-weh (sorry)

(I stole this from Killer Kelly.  Thanks Kil-Kel.)


Did you tell the last person you had a crush on your feelings for them?
I did.  Once she finished convulsing with laughter, she shook her head pityingly, shanked me in the kidney, and high-tailed it to a judge for an emergency restraining order.

What time will you be getting up tomorrow morning?
0805, although I probably won't awaken thoroughly until early afternoon.

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
Cat-warmed and sore of back.

What is on your agenda for tomorrow?
Work.  Nap.  More work.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
I'm in bed now, however I probably won't sleep for a few hours.  I'd pretty much live in my bed if I could, but it's a bitch to drive a clutch while horizontal (especially while resting tummy side down)

Who were you with at 4 pm this afternoon?
I was at a secret meeting with–(BLAM, BLAM BLAM) (bleed, tom-brain-goo-splatter, sputter, cough, sigh, eyes back-rolling, "Hi, Grandma!")

I mean, I was driving to work alone.

Last CD you listened to?
"Flaunt the Imperfection," by China Crisis.

Are you mad at anyone?
You.  Not you.  No, you either.  YOU!

How many people have held your hand today?
Only one.

What does your number 3 call you?
My numbers don't speak to me, especially primes.  Well, I suppose i is technically prime, but it's imaginary, so I don't count it.

Last time you saw your number 1?
I just went number one–does that count?

Last person that you texted?

Do you miss someone?
I miss a lot of people.  The key is to keep shooting, and try to aim better.

Last time you kissed someone?

What are your plans for later?

Sleep.  Awaken.  I try to stick to the basics.

Can you play guitar hero?

Guitar, yes.  Guitar Hero, no, although I suspect I'd probably be just as mediocre at the game as I am on the actual instrument..

Where are you at right now?
My cave on the shore of Lake Tom.

Can you easily tell if someone is fake?
If a German Shepard barks at them, they're fake.  At least that's what Kyle Reese said.  Just to be sure, I usually take a biopsy and CT scan (if there's still doubt, I send Lauri a stool sample for analysis).

Describe the shirt you are wearing:
Old Wonder Bread mold green, and really big and battered, like good onion rings.

Do you hit on people a lot?
Nah.  That just encourages them to linger.

How has this week been?
Any week where I'm above the grass is a good one.

Have you ever written a love letter?

Oh, yes.  I even typed it.  It didn't work, but at least it was legible.

Do you have a job?
Yes, I do, although I might have gotten laid-off from my part-time gig Wednesday (nobody's sure)

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Dwight Schrute.

Have you kissed someone in the past week?
If you disregard the number of asses I've kissed symbolically, no.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?

In winter would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
I'd rather stay here where it's warm.  I don't own anything with long sleeves–jacket, hoodie, shirt, golf balls, etc.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
I wish I were here, but 48 hours from now.

Do you have a best friend?
They're all pretty darn good.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Yes, actually.  Twice.  Once was my friend, Brenda, who's one of the best singer-songwriters I've ever heard.  The other was a girl whose name I can't even remember.  We were in a bar, and "Elderly Woman…" by Pearl Jam came on the juke box.  She sang it to me, and it blew my mind: "I just want to scream hello.  My God, it's been so long…but now here you are, and here I am!" It was a great night.

Has anyone ever written a poem or song about you?
That's a Stevie Nicks song: "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You."  I don't especially like her, but this is a great song.  BTW, Ann Marie at work always cracks me up by saying, "Damn your love! Damn your lies!" which is a line from "The Chain," which Stevie Nicks sings on, or at least she was there twirling her dress, probably doing lots of cocaine and drinking wine while everybody else sang. 

What are you drinking right now?
You know, I'm listening to the aforementioned song, and I have absolutely no idea what it means.  And Stevie sounds even more like she has a cold than usual.  Then again, Stevie's Fleetwood Mac songs would all be very, VERRRRY different if a truly awesome voice like, say, Ann Wilson from Heart were singing them.  Good Lord, that lady has a voice.  Pipes out the wazoo.  She did a live acoustic version of "Crazy on You" that used to drive Donna the Sales Assistant crazy.  One hot July afternoon, we were at the beach–the gross, redneck beach you can drive on–and I had that blasting, and she took her shirt off and started kissing me.  It was pretty spectacular, even though people kept honking their horns when they drove by, and Donna wouldn't close her window, because she loved the sun on her bare breasts.  I tried to tell her that I appreciated that too, but that her bare breasts were causing a commotion, but she said "Fuck 'em! I love this song!" I tried to explain that I loved it too, and that I loved her bare breasts–and kissing her as well–but that my dark-tinted windows only provided privacy when they were UP.  She didn't care, though.  She'd been pounding beer all afternoon, and I'd been drinking iced tea, because I had to be on the air at 1900.  So she was liquored up and ready for action, while I just wanted to stay out of jail until at least after my show, preferably the rest of my life.  She finally rolled her window up, and we continued making out and stuff, replaying that song over and over on the CD player.  When I got back to the bar, my hair was sticking up like that Chad character on the Alltel ads, and my buddy Dick joked that I wouldn't have "any legs," like a boxer who has sex the night before a big fight.  By damn, he was right: I couldn't ad-lib my way out of a sack that night–I still remember that.  I wonder what happened to Dick. He was a great guy, but I lost track of him when I stopped going to bars.  He and I played golf the last time I saw him, and we rode to the course in his girlfriend's '64 Vette convertable.  I remember the chrome bar at the top of the windshield would've hit me in my supraorbital margin if we'd gotten hit, but we didn't.  Also, I was able to get 18 cold cans of Budweiser in my Wilson Staff golf bag, which was about all I was good for–I couldn't play for shit that day–and Dick kept borrowing my sand wedge, and every time he hit it, he stuck his shot about five feet from the pin.  I was so pissed! My own sand wedge helping somebody kick my ass on the course! Dick called it a "lob wedge," and threatened to keep it.  He did me one better by keeping my entire set of golf clubs.  It's okay, though, because I didn't even think about it until a few years later, plus all the grips were shot anyway.  I hope he's hit a lot of great chips with that wedge.  (The club champion at the TPC at Prestancia gave me that wedge for my HS graduation–he was a great guy, and a helluva golfer)  I remember Dick asked me if I'd been with Donna the night before, because "You ain't got shit f'legs today, Tawmy." (Dick was from Maine) I hadn't been, if I recall.  Holy crap, the late Al Cruise used to give me crap every time Donna the Sales Assistant and I returned from lunch together, because my hair was always messed up.  We didn't always have sex during our lunches–most of the time, we just ate, then smooched a little bit–but my hair was always messed up.  Donna had some mad skills, and she was absolutely fearless.  I haven't talked to her in at least eight years.  I wonder how she's doing, and whose hair she's keeping mussed now.  OMG, the first night we ever hooked up was after a station event in downtown St Pete.  We were in the back of my truck, making out, and I took off her sweater.  She had nothing underneath, and we kept a-smooching, until I realized we were parked right next to the St Pete Police Department.  Gah! So we went to the beach, the gross redneck beach you can drive on, and I ended up with no legs, messed up hair, a shit-eating grin, and a lost pager. 

Oh, sorry.  I'm drinking water.

Honestly when was the last time anyone saw you in your underwear?
Couldn't tell you.  I was seen in the girl next door's underwear the other night, though. (rimshot) (I kid)

Do you get high a lot?
Nope.  I was never a good pot smoker.  A brilliant, award-winning drinker, but not good with the herb.

Are you busy tomorrow?
Oh, yes.  I'm busy, but I'm lucky just to be employed.  Working for awhile on a fishing boat right outside of Delacroix.  But all the while I was alone, the past was close behind.  I seen a lot of women, but she never escaped my mind, and I just grew… (everybody sing) (Sheesh, get up for a glass of water, and Bob freakin' Dylan takes over the Power Book)

Happy Saturday, y'all.

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12 Responses to “Q&A: A meme-a-weh a meme-a-weh (sorry)”

  1. I love you Tawmy

  2. Ta Cariad. 😉

  3. I just want to know in regards to number eighteen how do you obtain the stool do you straight out ask for it or do you bust into the bathroom mid-poop, rip the pooper off the can and steal it?Just for sanity's sake.

  4. Chloroform and an ice cream scoop. Apologize later.

  5. point set match.Or something like that.You know if any of my Toms were as cool as you I'd visit my family alot more.

  6. I want to know what's up with #23.Also, shouldn't #14 and #25 be the same answer? Hmmmm…..

  7. re: #23 On Wednesday, the large broadcast conglomerate that owns my radio station fired all the full-time announcers and put on a network. I haven't been able to determine whether we part-timers have been retained for indenture among our six stations. re: 14 and 25, I actually did kiss somebody on Tuesday, but it was such an unremarkable, cheek-kiss kind of thing that I forgot about it by the time I got to #25.

  8. 32 was amazing. Thanks for the chuckles.

  9. #13… I should use that answer on people who ask me that next time :D…thanks for sharing!

  10. hehei might steal these and answer on my own blog. i'm bored enough. should kill some time. 😛

  11. #33 Honestly when was the last time anyone saw you in your underwear?Couldn't tell you. I was seen in the girl next door's underwear the other night, though. (rimshot) (I kid)
    I thought I was missing a pair =)

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