Breeze, my windy ass

Here in Florida, we're generally spared truly cold weather.  Where I live, if it gets below 40 Fahrenheit more than two or three days a year, it's a cold winter.  Our climatological crosses to bear are heat and humidity, and the occasional tropical cyclone.  (Oh, yeah: and we're the lightning capitol of the world)  During the summer, it gets nasty-sticky, but around five each afternoon, we get our sea breeze.  Sadly, this doesn't mean that we all are brought frosty glasses of vodka, with grapefruit and cranberry juices (although, Lord knows that'd be more refreshing).  Simply, we get a relatively cooling breeze of 15 knots or so off of the 88 degree Gulf of Mexico.  The only really nasty winds we get are with cold fronts in winter, and embedded in thunderstorms.  And, of course, tropical storms. 

So what's the difference between a breeze and a wind? Simple.  Breezes make things pleasant, and high wind is a pain in my keister.  Perhaps meteorologists have a more scientific criterion, but in my book, breezes are cool, and wind sucks.  The oak trees outside my cave have been just lovely, resplendent in tender new growth.  The wind outside is about 40 knots, and all those pretty leaves are blowing off of the trees.  Plus, wind scares the cat.

One thing I've noticed, though, is that wind is far more tolerable at 84 degrees than below zero, and we're lucky not to have those godawful blizzards some of you get.  (wind+cold+um, that white stuff (I can't remember the name!))

Even though wind may annoy me, I guess I'm happy to have mine as opposed to yours.  Still, that doesn't give it the right to scare Ana-Sofia and destroy my trees. 

Aside: this guy I used to work with referred to hurricanes as "massive tropical wind vaginas" and tornadoes as "big dangly wind penises."  I asked him why, and he said it's because when they're around, somebody always ends up getting fucked.  Roger that. 

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12 Responses to “Breeze, my windy ass”

  1. Well, if it scares the cat, it's got to go.

  2. I'm with Laurie!! Get rid of those winds!!!And lol re to the guy you used to work with.And (((((hugs))))) for Ana-Sofia from Sweetie.

  3. last paragraph made me laugh. heh.i love FL (okay, i've only been to miami… once. hehe) but i don't think i'd be such a fan if the weather was scary…

  4. Florida winds scare the hell out of me. I watch the news and read Hiaasen novels, and I'll take a cold kitty over a flying kitty any day. šŸ˜›

  5. I keep wanting to support Skink's return to Tallahassee, but he seems happy eating road-kill and living in the swamps. What a great character, one of many in Hiaasen's books.

  6. "…Skink… What a great character…"Yeah, you gotta admire a guy who lives in a swamp, eats road-kill, does nutty stuff like strapping himself to bridges during hurricanes, and still manages to get laid.I like Stranahan quite a bit, too.

  7. Lol, I like them both! Skink the best, though! Sorry about the wind. But, we have snow showers coming on Friday, so I think I get to whine louder and wine more!!! šŸ˜‰

  8. It's nearly April–why is it still snowing? That must suck, especially since husband just de-turded the barnyard. Weather wise? Oh, yeah: you have the whining rights, assuming I don't blow away tonight. Fair enough? šŸ˜‰

  9. Oh, yeah: I loved Chemo in "Skin Tight." The mayor-turned-villain whose electrolysis went awry when the doc had a stroke? Priceless.

  10. Gaaaaaaah! Ok, ok, I was in Bradenton for a week in February. It was soooo nice!So, don't blow away tonight and we shall continue to whine 'til the cows come home.Incidentally, the lawn is returded already. Hahaha, yes, I loved Skin Tight, too!

  11. Bradenton? That's just across the bridge from sweet home St Creaturesburg. Sorry about the turds, but at least you know your animals are operating at optimum turd capacity.

  12. We crossed "the bridge" a few times!As for turds….to quote a sweet novel that I can't remember the title or the author…."life is a trail of leavings"….Where there are turds there is life. Darn, that's seven words! šŸ˜€

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