Shocking Science News


Subject: A New Element in the Periodic Table of Elements Called Governmentium (Gv)

Evolution has produced an element that has become clearly identifiable in  the  past decade or two.  Recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new  chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest  element yet  known to science.  The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant  neutrons, 88  deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic  mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are  surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called  peons.  Since  Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,  because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A  minute  amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take  less than  a second to take from four days to four years to complete.  Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay,  but,  instead, undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant  neutrons  and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually  increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to  become  neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads  some  scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach  a  critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as  critical  morass.
 When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an  element that  radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many  peons  but twice as many morons.

(from an e-mail, author unknown)

 

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4 Responses to “Shocking Science News”

  1. I hope this laff link works!It's in my library, here, — Laffs for Tom (in case the link doesn't work)GREAT post!!!!!

  2. It worked! It linked me over to your library, but there it was: RDLOLMP3! Yay.

  3. Oh, I'm glad — you had me laughing so hard I had a tough time opening Audacity!

  4. ::wipes off monitor::

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